The empty nest: How to cope with dropping your child off at college

Recently, a colleague of mine mentioned she’s having a hard time getting ready to take her son to college. She asked me how I got through it the previous year when I became an empty nester. Since our opportunity for conversation was minimal due to a meeting that was about to start, I promised her I’d forward a blog post that I found helpful along with some thoughts from our experience. This is what I sent:

“Here’s the post from Grown and Flown I promised to send you about why Moms cry when they drop their children at college:  

https://grownandflown.com/reasons-mom-cry-leave-kids-college

I hope you find it helpful. It’s both a happy and bittersweet moment. 

How our drop off went

In our case, the actual dropping off was pretty quick. He didn’t want us to hang around and didn’t want us to help him unpack. (He was determined to set up his room with his roommates when they got there later in the day). We picked up his new computer from the university Tech Hub and went to lunch with him. Then we left. 

How I coped

I cried a little bit every day for the next 10 days. Then I realized how fortunate I was that he was on his way to becoming an independent, responsible adult. I have a few friends whose kids are still figuring out their plan after high school and I realized how they wished they had “this problem” of mine. It was time to quit being sad and to be grateful instead.

The first night

I didn’t want to be an overbearing parent, so I told him the first night, I just needed a quick text before bed letting me know he was fine (since we didn’t get a chance to meet all of his roommates). I got a longer text than I was expecting. In it, he said his roommates seemed like good guys, he was confident they would get along, the room was set up and he was fine.

The first weeks

Also, we arranged to have a phone call a few days later (he loathes FaceTime so it had to be just a call). In the call, he assured us he was doing well, making friends and settling in. He told us about his classes and which professors seemed the most interesting. That helped me some. He would text me occasionally with a quick story about what was going on. That also helped. During the first weeks, we had a phone call once per week which we’d schedule in advance based on his schedule, letting him pick the date and time.

Visiting him about a month later really helped. (We went for an overnight stay and took him out to dinner for his birthday.) Seeing with my own eyes that he was fine really set my mind to ease. I was fine from that point on. He seemed so much more mature in such a short span of time!

And I was thankful he chose a school close enough that we are able to visit occasionally — and one that was a good fit for him. He told us not to be strangers and it was ok if we visited once in a while! It was all good.

His perspective

Recently, he admitted that that first moment when we drove away was terrifying for him as well. But he was determined to meet new people so he spent the rest of that first day introducing himself to the kids arriving on his floor. Now that he’s a university student ambassador who gives tours, he says he gives prospective students the advice to ‘go out of your way to meet as many people as you can in your first few days, introduce yourself to everyone.’ Feel free to share his advice with your own son.

Plan something for yourself

Another tip that helped: my hairdresser recommended we plan a trip or something to look forward to a few weeks after the drop off. Even if a trip is not possible, making plans to see a show, have a nice dinner out, or enjoy a spa day — anything about 3 weeks after drop off that will give you something to look forward to — will help you get through that first week or two. 

Best of luck in this new journey! I hope your son loves college as much as my son does.”

Engage with us: In the comments share any tips you have for other parents dropping their kids off at college. Any ideas for making it easier or easing the ache?