Meeting neighbors and making friends

My husband’s aunt and uncle downsized recently and moved to a new neighborhood near their daughter. There were many good reasons for the move; however, their new location is more rural than they were used to and placed them farther from many of their friends. My husband’s aunt told me she really liked their new home, but the first several months were lonely. She was having a hard time meeting neighbors and making friends.

Downsizing, upsizing, or moving to a new locale for any reason are regular occurrences at any stage of life. These moves can be lonely until you meet people, form relationships and make friends nearby. How do you do that? And why is it important?

Loneliness takes a toll on our health

Loneliness is a public health concern. In his book “Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World,” Dr. Vivek H. Murthy, the 19th and 21st Surgeon General of the United States argues loneliness is affecting not only our health but also how our children experience school, how we perform in the workplace, and the sense of division and polarization in our society. In particular, social frailty increases vulnerability for the elderly. 

If a job was the reason for the relocation, often you can make friends through work or via vendors or partner organizations. You can find friends by joining a club, taking a class, through a religious organization, or pursuing an activity or a hobby. Depending on your stage of life and your location, it might pay off to be creative and employ a do-it-yourself approach.

A tea to meet new neighbors

My husband’s aunt found a creative way to solve her loneliness. She had a phone conversation with a friend of hers who moved out of state. Her friend said initially, she, too, was lonely in her new location. One day, she decided she needed to meet her neighbors.

To do so, she invited all of the women in her neighborhood to her home for a meet and greet. She went door-to-door to the 23 homes on her street. She knocked and introduced herself – and issued a personal invitation to attend an afternoon tea at her home in two weeks time. For anyone who wasn’t home, she left a flier inviting the woman of the home to her event.

She was pleasantly surprised when all 23 neighbors showed up. She said they had a wonderful afternoon. Many of the women thanked her for taking the initiative. Many of these neighbors met for the first time at her event!

After hearing this story, my husband’s aunt decided that if her friend could go to 23 homes, she could certainly try the same thing in her neighborhood of 10 homes. She went to the 10 houses on her street, introduced herself and invited the women to a small afternoon event two weeks later. Six women showed up. She was delighted that she now knows some people in her neighborhood and she’s made some new friends.

Introducing yourself to others

My son and his roommate used this same idea when he went off to college. The first weekend they moved into their dorm, they visited every room on their floor to introduce themselves. Initially, his roomie was hesitant but my son convinced him that this would prevent many awkward situations later on when you end up waiting for an elevator daily with the same person but don’t know them. In just a few days, both agreed the introductions were a huge success.

Sometimes you haven’t moved, but your situation has changed so you no longer see friends regularly (new job, no job, empty nest, retirement, etc.)

I’ve seen several creative, do-it-yourself ways to make new friends and/or maintain existing relationships:

Professional networking

I knew three professional women who started a networking group called C3 (cool chicks and cocktails). They took turns hosting a monthly happy hour and invited all of the “cool chicks” they knew who they believed would benefit from meeting each other. Each event had a sign up sheet so attendees could volunteer to host a future event, get their name added to the email list, etc. 

Ideas for making regular plans to see friends

A friend of mine started a “Wine Women” group that meets monthly. She uses a private Facebook group to keep everyone informed of the monthly location.

My sister’s group of friends started a monthly outing. Each couple is assigned a month in which they are responsible for choosing the outing and informing everyone.

My husband’s former co-workers have formed a Museum of the Month group. On the first Monday of the month they check out one of the many museums in the area. After visiting the  museum, they go to lunch.

Now that we are empty nesters, my husband and I have started a 3rd Thursday night with a group of fellow parents we befriended during our son’s schooling years. We are calling ourselves the “Parents of Alumni” and we’ve agreed to meet at the same time and same location on the 3rd Thursday of every month. Whomever is free shows up. The great thing about keeping it consistent is if you have a scheduling conflict, you know you always have the opportunity to see everyone next month.

Loneliness is a huge problem in our society, but it doesn’t have to be. It takes some effort to remain connected; however, the initial investment in time and energy is so worth it.

Engage with us? In the comments, do you have ideas to share on how to meet new people? What ways do you have to remain connected with people you care about?