Don’t look back, that’s not where you’re going

I have a card pinned to my wall. Created by Mary Engelbreit, its title is Don’t Look Back. It’s a picture of a child walking. She just passed a fork in the road and has chosen to take the path that leads to the left. There are two signs, one on each of the paths that jut from the fork. The sign on the path to the left – which she has taken – says, “Your life now.” The second sign on the path that heads to the right  – which she did not take – says, “No longer an option.”

I keep this image on my wall to remind me that sometimes when I make a choice, there is no going back. And if there is no going back, why waste time and energy looking back?

Stop worrying about things you cannot change

Have you ever known someone who talks about all of the things they shoulda, woulda, coulda? Rumination, being preoccupied with problems and the past, hampers our ability to look forward and find solutions. 

Regrets can take many forms:  job offers we didn’t accept, business opportunities we declined, moves we didn’t make, relationships we didn’t pursue, etc. Research shows that Americans’ six biggest regrets involve education, career, romance, parenting, self-improvement and leisure. Other regrets include finance, family, health, friends, spirituality, and community.

Regrets of inaction vs. action

Mark Twain famously said: “Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the things you did.” Research supports Twain’s premise and indicates that regrets of inaction are stronger and persist longer than regrets of action. 

We all make mistakes. We all have made a decision that with the benefit of hindsight we wish we would have chosen differently. But if there’s nothing you can do about it, why waste time and energy regretting it? Instead of continuing to berate yourself for something you cannot change, spend your time and energy on making the best of the situation you are in now. OR if it’s completely untenable, identify ways to improve or change your situation.

Focus on the now to make the future better

Keep your sights on what’s happening now. What path are you on? Accept that this is where you are at in your life at this point in time. Where are you trying to go? Focus on the future and what moves you need to make now so you can make it the best it can be. Don’t look back, that’s not where you’re going!

We should remember the rest of Twain’s quote:  “So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” 

Whatever path you chose is the one you are on now. Instead of looking back and being trapped in the past, you still have choices: You can bloom where you’re planted or you can pursue a new course. The choice is yours.

Engage with us! In the comments, give us your tips for moving beyond past regrets.