Exposure to early failure mitigates future disappointment

Sometimes I substitute teach at our local elementary schools to stay active in the community.

Today, the fifth graders had a science competition, and the class that I was assisting with did not win. The students were so devastated that you couldn’t hear a peep in the classroom. A truly remarkable feat, except for the sheer display of sadness on the faces of these 10 and 11-year-olds. If you know anything about fifth graders, “Quiet” is not typically identified at the top of the list as a strong suit.

Eyes were bulging with tears, unfair scoring was faulted, and snarky remarks were flying, “And they gave us a marshmallow,” (as a consolation prize). The excuses were endless and the sky was falling!

The amazing and caring teacher had a long talk with the kids to work them through their sad feelings, anger, disappointment and address their competitive nature. The silence was deafening.

It’s tough to watch children suffer disappointment after putting so much effort into a project. No one likes to lose, but there are valuable life lessons that children obtain and use to build the maturity to accept both success and failure.

Learning to Win and Lose Early

When my son turned three, he received the long-time favorite children’s game Candyland as a birthday gift. I quickly learned that even though this game required little strategy or thinking, it was the cornerstone for children to learn to take turns, follow rules, and most importantly:  how to win and lose graciously. No one likes a grandstander, and no one likes a sore loser. Always congratulate the winner. Thank the non-winners for playing a good game. There is a lot of learning packed in this silly kid’s game!

Learning to Cope with a Failure

But alas, we all need to learn these lessons early in life so as not to embarrass ourselves as we grow older. You might remember the scene from the popular 1980s movie, The Breakfast Club, when the outstanding student, Brian Johnson, played by Anthony Michael Hall, is suspended for bringing a flare gun to school because he might get an “F” in shop class. 

“I can’t have it, and I know my parents can’t have it,” explained a teary Johnson to his fellow suspendees.

It was an emotional and heart-wrenching scene. While it would be unfortunate for any student to take a hit to their GPA because of a shop grade, it is likely far more damaging to have a suspension or worse on your record. Everyone has setbacks in their lifetime. Our character is defined by a compilation of our life experiences.

It’s okay to make mistakes and lose sometimes. We make mistakes, we learn, and we grow. The most important thing is that we do our best.

There’s a reason that centuries old mottos like, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again!” live on. They are a reminder to accept a setback and never give up.

Want to explore more on the topic? Check out this recommended reading:  “5 Second Rule” by Mel Robbins.