Thoroughly Thriving

Prenatal Confessions

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Dear family, friends and netizens who read my blog,

I hope this is an amusing read and I promise not to get too graphic. These are my real, true, honest thoughts and experiences and I can’t think of a better way to announce this big life change to the world. Know this, though; I feel blessed beyond understanding (really, it’s still hard for me to grasp most days) and trust that God would not entrust us with this gift if we weren’t up for adventure. That being said….

Confession #1: I’m Pregnant

Oh, you saw that one coming?
Well, yes, after starting a new life/lifestyle that fit ours dreams, J and I felt we were ready to toss out the birth control and see what might happen. So now I’m 12 weeks pregnant, still in the first trimester, and due in April of next year. Yes, I know it’s “early” to be telling everyone. They say 10% to 25% of known pregnancies end in a miscarriage, the majority of those in the first trimester. Whatever. I’m tired of not talking about it.  2015-9-28-test

Confession #2: I’m bummed.

Let’s be real, here. Is growing a baby a miraculous blessing? Yes. Am I looking forward to being a mom? Yes. But there are so many things about being pregnant and having a baby that I so far hate and am also (probably overly) worried about. The main themes:

  • I hate not feeling like myself. I may have a control-freak perfectionist side who is proud of being detail-oriented and having a great memory. Now I have “pregnancy brain” and it’s for real, people. The fact that I can’t retain information like I expect too or brew a cup of coffee on a machine that requires pushing one stupid button…is infuriating! So I’ve postponed some things that are important to me until later, like studying for my personal trainer certification. Speaking of which….
  • I hate giving up adjusting my goals. This should be a week of blissful tapering to the Portland Marathon, which itself was a training race for a 50k late in October. I had so many hopes for these races before my body reallocated all my energy toward building a new person from scratch. In spite of some good efforts on my part, I have not been able to train like I wanted. So I plan on going easy, reimplementing the ‘ol walk-jog interval, and just finishing with a smile… yay….
  • I mourn the loss of my physical fitness. Selfish? Whatever. Knowing my body is going to suffer trauma and be forever changed both scares and saddens me. I know I’ll feel strong again someday. I know I’ll make exercise a priority post-baby and still be a fit woman. Still, it won’t be the same and I am working on accepting that.
  • I question my feelings, or lack of feelings. I have zero desire to do the baby bump progress photos. Is that bad? I didn’t cry when we saw baby’s dancing limbs on the ultrasound. I just laughed. Shouldn’t I be more touched? I believe the answer is no on both counts. I’m pregnant, but I’m still me and me has never gotten squeaky voiced at baby things. Still…these thoughts run through my head as I self-monitor my behavior as a mom-to-be.

2015-9-28-moxie-cuddle

So yes, I’ve felt down some days. I’ve gotten out of bed only to find myself still in my pajamas on the couch at noon, having been completely unproductive and feeling like a total lazy ass. I’ve binge-watched stupid Netflix shows that don’t require me to think, remaining fully aware of how pathetic I must look, and yet I don’t care. This is just reality, folks.

Here’s a quote from AmericanPregnancy.org:

“Pregnancy is supposed to be one of the happiest times of a woman’s life, but for many women this is a time of confusion, fear, stress, and even depression. According to The American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), between 14-23% of women will struggle with some symptoms of depression during pregnancy.” – Source.

Confession #3: Running feels good.

I’ve been really lucky so far. The first trimester “sickness” (because calling it “morning sickness” is just stupid) hasn’t been as bad for me as it has for other mommies I know. THANK YOU JESUS! I’ve merely had to deal with a constant, distracting nausea that can mostly be kept under control with ginger chews and frequent, small meals.  2015-9-28-stretch-millerwoods

But when I run, I feel totally normally again. Weird, right? Weird awesome! Once I get warmed up and going, my body is like…”hey, I remember this.” and my nausea goes away. Never mind the fact that I’m slow as molasses, have no sense of balance anymore and can’t get very far before I extinguish. I’m just glad that, for now, I can go for a 2 or 3 mile jog and feel normal-ish.

Confession #4: Junk Food.

Honestly, my diet is still mainly fruits, veggies and lean meats. Heavier on the fruits these days. So while I’m not living off junk food…I will admit that there is now some junk food where there was zero junk food before. My main offenders?

  • Sour Cream & Onion Potato Chips. Possibly my first and only real “craving”.
  • Skittles & Brite Crawler Gummy Worms get me through bad days.
  • Dark Chocolate Chips in a plastic baggy got me through fence building.
  • 7UP or Sprite because sometimes sparkling water just doesn’t do it for me.
  • Chocolate Chip cookies are making more frequent appearances as well.
  • I always have ice cream in the freezer. If I don’t, I feel weird about it.

Confession #5: I feel I’ve been lied too.

I know everyone’s experience is different and some things aren’t mentioned because they’re just NOT important once your baby is in your arms.

That’s partially why I’m writing this now…so I have an honest record of what was happening to me at 12 weeks pregnant. If I have a daughter who needs to know someday, I’ll tell her to search the inter-cob-webs for this old blog post and read it for herself, lest I mislead her with my rose colored glasses.

Here is a short list of the misrepresentations, myths, and all out lies I take issue with.

  • Your boobs get big! Oh, it’s true, but the assumption here is that this is only awesome. The fact that they will also hurt and sting after I run is somewhere hidden in the fine print. For the first time in my life I have to be choosey about my sports bras (shall I cry you a river?). I think I kind of know now what male runners must feel like with their bleeding nipples. Sorry dudes.
  • Pregnancy is one of the happiest times of a woman’s life! Yes…BUT…see Confession #2 above. Just because I’m glad I’m having a baby doesn’t mean I don’t have fears, frustrations, or need to express things that just bother me about being pregnant. It’s a happy time, but it’s also a difficult time.
  • The whole morning sickness thing. I definitely thought feeling fine in the morning meant I wasn’t pregnant. I guess now most women know that first trimester woes are a 24/7 joy ride. You can feel like crap any ‘ol time of the day. Yippee! Maybe they’d said “mourning sickness” and we just misunderstood?
  • Pregnancy cravings. Woof! As I understood it before, preggos fixate on a food and their desire for only that food is strong and it must be supplied immediately. None of that here. Actually, I don’t desire any food. I eat because I know I have too, but nothing ever sounds good. Maybe my cravings are yet to come?
  • Something about a glow? I always knew this was a joke. But seriously, the only glow I give off is either from my oily acne-ridden skin (I’m 17 all over again) or radioactive particles in my cosmic fart clouds. I’m all about those Tums, baby.

Confession #6: I’m prematurely defensive.

This probably sounds completely nutso but I’ve already practiced my eloquent rebuttals toward anyone who might approach me and either try to touch my belly, tell me I shouldn’t run while pregnant, or give me unsolicited advice on anything in general. Unfortunately, most of my comebacks are rude and marinated in bad words. I blame the cocktail of hormones flooding my body for the aggressive language I can’t seem to filter. But seriously…

TouchMyBellyAndDie Whew!

Glad I got all that off my chest. Feel free to send us used baby stuff like clothes, jogging strollers, etc. Also, we are…

Now Accepting Advice Submissions

From now until March 2016, we are accepting unsolicited advice on all things related to pregnancy, parenting, marriage, and anything else you happen to believe is relevant and can’t squash the urge to share. Please use the comment section below to dispense all of your expert knowledge and wisdom by March 2016. After that time, we will no longer be accepting further submissions. All unsolicited advice and well-intentioned expert opinions will be ignored. We will evaluate all submissions that made the deadline and if we have further questions, we will reach out to you. Thank you.

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  3. As someone who has lost but never carried to term, my advice is to do things your way. Many well intentioned family members may try to weasel their way in on this special time for you and your DH. There’s just as much bad advice as good. My theory now is women have been having babies since the dawn of time, standing, squatting, lying down, in the water at home or in a hospital. Drugs no drugs, by themselves or surrounded by those closest. Do you, however you want and don’t be afraid to tell someone to back off, no matter what the relationship is. I have found that even though I have extensive experience with babies through teenage years my opinion doesn’t really have much merit since I haven’t actually been able to carry and birth my own *yet* I have hope one day it will happen. Non-moms (as I’ve been called) do have some relevant advice even though it may seem like they have no idea. Make time for you, make time for your marriage, it will re-write a major part of your lives but don’t let it change your core. Pick a name you both like, and not because you feel pressured to but because you love it. Keep in mind though the your child will have to live with that name through the elementary and middle school years, when kids are at their most vile towards each other. Be the best parents you can be and make that definition yourselves, don’t ever let someone else judge you as a mother. We all do it slightly differently. Expect that your expectations might not be able to be met, by this I mean if you’re set on breastfeeding and for whatever reason don’t produce enough, know that formula won’t kill your child. Better that he/she gets the nutrients than starve (yes, I’ve had a friend tell me to limit the amount her 3 month old ate to 3 oz because she couldn’t produce more and didn’t want to supplement with formula). Nature is totally in control at the beginning, you know how they say happy wife, happy life? Well a happy baby, means a happy home and mommy more often than not. I know this is a lot to process and take my advice with a grain of salt if you wish. I am so happy for you, this new adventure will change your life for the better. In the end I guess my main point would be to just do you because for whatever reason lots of people in your life are going to want to butt their way in to try and get you to do things their way. Good luck and I wish you all the best!

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  4. Congrats! My first pregnancy I was terrified of people touching my belly. It never happened! This time around? People were doin it from day one — I didn’t even have a bump! Get off me people! LOL

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    • AH! So weird. I don’t get it. I’ve never had the urge to touch women’s baby bumps. Even when some have invited me too and insisted I’ve felt like saying, “I’d really rather not.” Lol.

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  5. Oh my gosh – I’m so excited for you!!!!! Congratulations!!!!! 🙂 And even though it’s been a VERY long time since I’ve gone through pregnancy myself, you know my daughter is expecting in another 4 weeks and she would understand so much of what you’re saying here! Instead of running, she had to give up riding her BMX bike (she does crazy tricks on it and once she got pregnant she just couldn’t anymore thanks to balance, nausea, fear and so much more) and that made her sad and frustrated for sure. And she didn’t want to eat anything! And is actually back to feeling like she did in the first trimester. Nothing sounds good, she’s exhausted, and her whole body hurts. So in other words, I get ya completely!! Being pregnant is actually a real whammy on a woman’s body – so be gentle with yourself as it sounds like you already are!

    So excited for you and your growing family!!!!!
    Kristen recently posted…Monday, Monday…My Profile

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    • Thanks Kristen! I’ve heard the end can feel as miserable as the beginning. I’m hoping for a really fun middle, though. Something about growing a placenta to run interference for me. Haha. Can’t wait!

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  6. Congrats, Tiffany! And I”m old and my boys are almost grown, but I haven’t forgotten how it feels to have my body not be my own. I couldn’t run–I was just so tired when I was pregnant. But I was ok with it because I got to grow a baby! Enjoy and complain…there’s a lot of us who’ve been there. Welcome to the club.
    Wendy@Taking the Long Way Home recently posted…Marathon week 10: Run this TownMy Profile

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  7. Oh how I love when people post so honest you, laugh tear up, and nod your head while shouting a “go ‘head girl”. I have to tell you so much of this post was my thoughts on pregnancy, I was mostly miserable “growing a human from scratch”

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    • So since I bumped the submit with the fat finger tips I have had since I swole up as a preggo, I will finish what I started.
      I did get the glow, but I swear the dew kissed appearance was from living in humid Georgia or from the sweating bad from all the throwing up I did THROUGH THE WHOLE PREGNANCY! I don’t think we really fully can appreciate growing a child until the start kicking to beats of music, our heart, or when they hear their daddies voice. Even that gets old like when they break a rib from getting so long and active. I didn’t do well with testosterone in my body from growing a boy, so I was kinda a tad psycho and actually threw a burrito at a taco bell chick because the tortilla was soggy. Lol true story. But I mean if it helps I may or may not have done that not being pregnant at 19 yrs old. Bahaha.

      On a serious note, my only advice is to discuss parenting in detail with your spouse, for emergency situations, punishment, and other people watching your child. The hardest part of parenting, is disagreeing with your spouse and wanting to win the battle. Raising children is relatively easy, they just want love, support, nutrition, and to always know that they are special. The worst thing can do as a parent is to not teach our kids respect, manners, working for what they want, and showing them a stable home. No one is perfect and if they think they are they are delusional and no parenting advice should be accepted from them. If their kids says I hate you(excludes teens they will hate you, and that means you are doing the right thing) or hits them tear up their submission and throw it at them. Xoxo You are doing great at this already! Self evaluation is seriously one of the best parental attributes. So excited for you!

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  9. CONGRATS! This is so exciting! My husband and I are in the same place you were in a few months ago…like, let’s give this a go! And I’m excited for the possibilities but think I might feel a lot like you do! I love your honesty and these are all the insights into the questions I ask my friends – like, okay, what’s this REALLY like for you to be pregnant? And everyone’s story is so different – it’s fascinating to me! Anyways, loved the post, celebrating with you, and mourning the changes that will come – what a crazy process! Lots of love from Calgary!
    Bonnie recently posted…YYC in Fall: running & bootcampsMy Profile

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    • Ooooh! Maybe we should take a baby moon to Calgary. Haha. Thanks Bonnie and I’m excited for you guys as well. Officially saying we were trying was a big step for us. I’m no expert obviously but if you ever wonder about anything feel free to ask me and I’d be happy to give you my version of the experience. lol.

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  10. Yay! Congrats! Everything you’re feeling…totally normal. Do pregnancy your way. That’s the best way. Society tells us that pregnancy has to be so perfect and joyful and flowers and sunshine. It’s all that, but so much more. And the “so much more” isn’t talked about enough. Because there are some seriously crappy aspects to being pregnant. All part of the journey, all worth embracing. The pregnancy updates? I never did them, I never read them. Don’t feel bad about NOT doing them. And don’t feel like you have to share every aspect of your pregnancy with your readers. I didn’t and they didn’t hate me for it. Share what’s relevant. Share what’s important. Keep doing you! And keep working out. Pregnancy is not a condition, it’s a part of life…and we were born to move through life. I’m so glad running feels good to you! I ran up until 7.5/8months with my kiddos, taught group fitness/worked out until a week or two before delivering. It’s entirely possible to maintain some semblance of the physical activity levels your body was used to beforehand. Keep talking to your doc about that. And listen to your body! Just remember, there is no standard way of being pregnant you need to live up to. Also, here’s my random tip: If you don’t already, start following Scary Mommy…seriously hilarious and real talk about all aspects of motherhood and pregnancy. Based on this post, I think you might like it 🙂 Congrats again!
    Tara recently posted…How often do you stretch? #BOSUStrong #FitFamily #SweatPink #adMy Profile

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  12. Hey, Tiffany!!!

    Congrats! As you know, I am not married, I have never been married, and I have no children. So in that regard, I have no advice from experience. Have fun, go with the flow, and pray a lot. You are awesome and I miss you! You will be a great mom and God will guide you and allow you to be YOU–He made you after all. 🙂

    ♥Jen

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  13. Congrats!! To be honest I hated being pregnant!! And running during my pregnancy never felt good!! Everyone’s is different!! Excited for you!! He/she will change your life for the better and it will be challenging for sure but so rewarding h

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  16. Hahaah, I love this. First off Congrats!! But, know that you are NOT alone. I had many of the same feelings!! Totally normal. Pregnancy is a crazy experience and the pregnancy brain? Yea, it just gets renamed to “Mom” brain after the kids comes a long. The only thing that would cure my 24 hour a day nausea was Diet Coke….I tremble just thinking about that and all of the aspartame I drank, but you do whatever it takes. Make sure you take a Baby Moon…that one last trip before baby comes to really just spend time with one another before your lives are turned upside down. And make each other a priority once he or she comes. It’s easy forget that you and your partner need time together to be GOOD parents!!!
    Sue @ This Mama Runs for Cupcakes recently posted…MCM Training REcap–Week 12 & #BOSUChallenge Week 3My Profile

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  19. I think you just summed up both of my pregnancies. It is ok to hate being pregnant! Everybody kept saying that it should be the happiest time of my life. However, I was totally excited about the end result and couldn’t wait to love on my baby. Yes, “morning sickness” is all day but isn’t it amazing how running helps so much!

    Congratulations! And it is totally fine to hate being pregnant! The end result is worth it though!
    Katie recently posted…Bean TacosMy Profile

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  21. Behind on this but… Congrats! Everyone is getting pregnant! I just had my first. Running and working out through my pregnancy, everyone had an opinion, but honestly, it totally made the labor easier. Oh, and you can totally still work your abs while pregnant. Me and the little fam are moving to Portland in a week…perhaps we’ll run into each other 🙂

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  22. First of all, a super belated congratulations!! Secondly, this post had me cracking up a times! Especially the part about advice submissions 🙂
    Sadly (for you), no advice on my part given that I’m not a parent, and don’t have many close friends with young kids. BUT, I loved your eye opening confessions, and can still relate to your feelings. I know if I WAS pregnant, I’d share these same thoughts – particularly about post-poning goals and just feeling blah. I don’t picture myself becoming one of those women who takes bump photos every month either. Not hating on those who do, but heck, some of us just don’t celebrate that way 😉
    Amber recently posted…Race Report – Chicago MarathonMy Profile

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