Three months postpartum and I’ve been to urgent care twice and the ER. I’ve battled impacted bowels that have brought me to tears. I’ve struggled to accept that my fatigued body and mind simply will not let me “bounce back” after having a baby the way I’d hoped.

Still, there has been so much good. One thing that trumps every single negative of the past 3 months is this: God has blessed us with a thriving baby boy.

Where Am I?

Since pregnancy, I’ve often mourned the loss of “me” [read more about that here]. I’ve had days where I wallowed. With ice cream. And cookies. Where am I? The “I” that just one year ago was training for a marathon, traveling to IDEA World and working with big brands. The “I” that had energy and social skills and better than average recall. Where is that Tiffany?

Now, here we are, 3 months after Bubba’s great escape, and that Tiffany remains a memory. The difference now is that I’m not sad about it anymore.

Closer to who I’m meant to be.

Through all of this postpartum “down time”, I’ve been emotionally and mentally raw. And God has been using this time to help me understand some things. Mainly that, through life’s changes, He continues to mold and shape us into who we are meant to be. To keep looking backward is to resist this beautiful process.

So at 3 months postpartum, I’m done mourning the loss of certain details of who I used to be. I’m ready to celebrate the new aspects of who I am now.

I’m still a runner, but now with a deeper appreciation for running with an extra 20 lbs to lose. I’m still a capable digital influencer even though I battle the fuzziness of sleep deprivation. And now I’m also the mother of a chubby baby with a killer grin. Now, I’m so much more dependent on God’s strength and provision.

HEALTH & FITNESS

I had J take this photo of me in the Emergency Room so that I could remember the dark days. While my body recovered just fine after a speedy child birth (read that story here), my immune system is still struggling to get back up on it’s feet.

On my very first Mother’s Day, we took a family trip to Urgent Care because I had a rash all over my body. Then, on Father’s Day, a physician’s assistant at Urgent Care recommended I go to the Emergency Room so they could do a CT scan to see what was going on inside my ear. Now, whenever I get the slightest itch or ache or ill-feeling, I go into an aggressive prevention mode of extra rest, water, and vitamins.

With all of that going on, I’ve done precious little running these past three months. I’ve gone on THREE run/walks about one mile in length. That’s it. It kind of breaks my heart. Now that I’m pretty much recovered from the 4th of July travel bug I caught, I’m feeling able to get back out there.

The linchpin for maintaining health and sanity has been sleep. On the weekends I’ve been sleeping in the guest room and J takes all-night baby duty with some pre-pumped breastmilk. I’m not sure I’d survive without this and don’t know that I’ve ever loved my husband more.

BABY’S DEDICATION

On the day of our 7th anniversary we dedicated our son at our church. We’re so thankful for all the support we’ve gotten from our new friends at Creekside Community.

BIRTHDAY

Last weekend I turned 32. Here I am (at a Cup and Easel event) with a giant brownie and ice cream wishing me happy birthday.

WORK?

Poor Moxie still doesn’t get the attention she deserves. If I do have a spare moment when the baby doesn’t need me, I’m either catching up on my coaching clients, drafting a blog post that’ll never get published, or sleeping/showering/eating. Right now I’m not focused at all on growing my blog or taking on more clients. I’m just focusing on the clients I already have.

SUMMER FUN

As a family we can easily stretch ourselves thin these days, so we keep our schedule simple and don’t commit to much. I’m not going to IDEA World this year, I’ve skipped a few local 5Ks, and a bucket list of outdoor Oregon adventures is collecting dust. That being said, we have been able to enjoy the summer with a few key activities.

J is playing in the local softball league, so every Sunday we’re out at the park. It’s a good time for me to get in a stroller run/walk if I’m feeling good.

Taking a turn for the delicate, I was invited to tea last weekend. Two gal pals put together a delicious tea party complete with scones, devonshire cream, and fancy tea cups. It was nice to feel fancy for an afternoon.

Oh, and for the 4th of July we visited my parents. Bubba got to meet his great grandma, grandpa and aunt Madi for the first time!

So that’s where I’m at. Focusing on family, resting, listening, and keeping my calendar near empty for sanity’s sake.