When J and I got married we did what most couples do: compare and contrast our possessions (pre-existing and registered-for) with our new living space and try to find space for what we wanted to keep…and then try to find space for everything else too. Now we’re coming up on 4 years of marriage. In that time we’ve learned that we must pick freedom or shit, sorry “stuff”. We can’t have both. In our home, “stuff” IS a four letter word. Why?
Four years ago, we had an entire extra bedroom filled with, uh…stuff, in addition to the stuff we kept all around our apartment, and stored in Rubbermaid tubs. All of our excess “stuff” was just a by-product of wasted money/sentiment and it was causing us to waste time, space, and energy. Furthermore, because we hadn’t flushed the stuff out, it was sitting around releasing toxins into our life:
- worry and frustration,
- disagreements about where to keep/find or how/when to use it,
- productivity/creativity and peace decreased with cluttered space,
- and even inviting someone to stay the night turned into a stressful “reorganization” to make our “stuff room” more “comfortable”.
One of several attempts in 2010 to declutter our home.
Anyway, it didn’t take much for us to feel compelled to “closet cleanse”. When our church collected donations or the youth group was having a garage sale fundraiser, we’d chip away at our pile, and give a little here and there. We were soon in the habit of a quarterly cleanse, taking a full car load of stuff to the Goodwill. It will never cease to amaze me that we did this several times a year for 3 years and STILL HAD A CAR LOAD each time. Where did all that stuff come from?! Were we collecting it as fast as we were giving it away?
This isn’t news, but it bears reiterating:
YOUR STUFF WILL OWN YOU!
Not eventually. Not “if you don’t keep it in check”. Inevitably, it will. Stuff is persistent. If you keep it around, it whispers to you and you start to listen to it.
- “But, I remind you of the good ‘ol days!”
- “You’ll look so hot wearing me when you lose those 10 lbs.”
- “I just might come in handy one day.”
- “You can’t serve punch without a punchbowl!”
- “Grandma died happy knowing you kept us, you know, in case doilies come back into fashion.”
CHOOSE FREEDOM!
“When we give too much meaning to the stuff we buy, when we think it will bring us happiness or contentment, we are setting ourselves up for failure.” –TheMinimalists.com
J and I have been thinking a lot about our purpose [more on that later]. We know that our purpose is not to simply work for money just so we can buy shit and keep it. There is more to life than being a chronic consumer! But the more crap we’re holding on to, the harder it is to reach for our goals.
This is when it comes down to a choice between freedom or STUFF.
We want to be free to live a life full of powerful experiences and meaningful relationships. We don’t want to be so absorbed in our stuff or acquiring more stuff that it becomes a drain on our finances, or the cause of resentment, or that we hesitate to give generously, or that we can’t pick up and go when opportunity knocks.
Seriously. Think about it. Is your stuff clogging up your qi? Do you need a 3 month “closet cleanse” to reverse your possessional constipation?
In my next post I’ll go over some things J and I have done/are doing to clean up our act.
In the mean time, here are some things to read/watch:
- The Short, 16-Step Guide to Getting Rid of Your Crap.
- How to De-Crapify Your Home
- Letting Go of Sentimental Items
TED Talk: Adam Baker – Sell your crap. [Skip ahead to 8:17 or click here http://youtu.be/9XRPbFIN4lk?t=8m17s]
I know your right, but I am so damn sentimental when it comes to stuff. I try to go a deep clean every few months and always find tons of stuff to throw away or donate. I can’t wait to hear more about your process and experience!
So true!! I do feel like my stuff is clogging up lots of things. It’s a huge barrier sometimes. We have so much crap in our apartment and living in NYC, it’s not that big of an apartment. It’s mostly me since I’m a pack rat. There’s a lot of stuff that I’ve held on to for sentimental reasons. I do go through phases of cleaning things out and it feels great!
our recent moved ROCKED FOR THIS TOO!
the once fab facet 🙂
I love purging “stuff” and always feel better after 😉
Gosh I love this. Chris and I set a goal to do a major purge this year. After 4 years of marriage and 4 moves to 3 states we have accumulated TOO MUCH.
I guess this is the good thing about my husband and I moving every few years. We have really learned which possessions are important and which are just “stuff.” Great post!
I’ve been meaning to get rid of some clothes for far too long! So many attachments lol
You are soooo right! We went through kitchen stuff yesterday and dumped a TON. Once taxes are done, my plan is to go through boxes and closets, etc. daily.
I would love to move again someday and I don’t want to haul so much crap anymore. We don’t need nor use half the stuff we have. UGH It’s definitely taking over life and is so stressful.
Great insight, can’t wait to read the posts you linked to.
I love this post. There are very few things of sentimental value that I hold on to that are stored away. I have a baggie of concert tickets and a box of stuff from my best friend who passed away 7 years ago. My husband and I have moved 4 times together and each time I have gotten rid of some of his shit, because he is a pack rat. Guess what, he hasn’t missed it. As for clothes, if I haven’t worn it in over a season (i.e. shorts that haven’t been worn in 2 summers) then I get rid of it. I have a box of clothes pre-pregnancy that don’t fit. If they don’t fit 3 months then they are getting donated. I don’t have the time or space for shit in my life.
You wrote this just for me, didn’t you?! LOL This is exactly where I am, what I have been struggling with and what we tried to work on this weekend! I have stuff everywhere (some of it neatly organized and tucked away while some of it not-so-much but it doesn’t matter – it’s stuff and it’s everywhere!) and it is overwhelming me, causing chaos and, on occassion, conflict! And, I am creating little stuff hoarders, too! My girls will not part with anything. They might need it again some day – you know, never! Oy! This made me laugh and encourages me. 🙂 Happy Monday!
Nicole, you’re awesome! You’ve set a great example for your girls in a lot o ways! Here’s another opportunity!
I go through phases when I literally just want to throw everything out. I’m kind of at that point right now actually. I do get sentimental with things tough, so it can be tough to let go.
ooh oooh OOOH! i am a master purger of stuff. merciless and thorough. i moved from a 2600 sqft house into a 1000 sqft house – which is where i learned my mad skills. just make me brownies and i can de-crap-ify like no one’s business.
You hear that, folks? Kelley is available to de-crapify your life for the low, low cost of a batch of brownies! Love it.
I couldnt agree more! We make a regular effort to purge our shit…I mean, stuff!
Totally agree! What is the point of making money to collect more stuff? We try to go through our things regularly. My husband would love to take something out of the house for everything that comes in, but that rarely happens. But you’re right, simplifying our stuff releases a surprising amount of stress as well.
I have SO much shit I need to remove — why is it so hard sometimes? haha I’m working on it!
I’m going through a “cleanse” right now! It’s crazy how much stuff I can’t bring myself to get rid of but know I’ll never use or need it again :/
You can do it! Start with small things and in a few days you realize it’s okay and a while later that “wheeee I’m freee” feeling will make you glad you did it. Then try something a little bigger. Eventually that “can’t bring myself to do it” feelings is totally overpowered by the “wheeeee I’m freee” feeling and you get addicted to the free feeling. Haha.